"Something Witty Here"...

I am hungry.

Very.

Very.

Hungry.

I am trying this new fad called eating less.

We will see how it works.

SO... I am slow witted, easily distracted, and ambivalent.

That is how much I miss food.

And if you are skinny, please don't tell me to eat.

I know what you all eat.... and I call it not eating.

When my skinny girlfriends say, "Oh, Amber! You must eat breakfast!"

What I hear is, "Make pancakes, eggs, hash browns, bacon, and fresh squeezed juice!"

What they mean is, "Have black coffee and an apple."

Which means... "Don't eat."

Whatev.

I'm still hungry.

Spoiled

Tonight my loves are going to a Demoltion Derby in Chino.

Yep. They are classy like that.

I on the other hand am spoiled and get another girls night tonight...

This time with my MOMMA!

(This picture kind of sums everything up.)

(This one too.)

(Oh yeah, this one too)

How could I not be excited to hang out with her?

Yippee!!!!

We are going out to dinner and seeing the movie "The Kids are all Right"

What are you doing tonight?

Nerd Alert

I am a nerd on so many levels... and I am okay with it.

Exhibit A: I heart Twilight.

Yep. I am hosting a happy hour tonight with some fellow nerds and then going to see the movie.

Exhibit B: I am going a week after the opening so I don't have to fight the teens and the freaky Twi-Moms.

Yep. I am officially too old for midnight showings and squealing 16yr olds or 40 somethings.

***

I kinda feel better that I got that off my chest.

***

Besides watching my guiltiest pleasure tonight, I am so excited about making some tried but true recipes and experimenting with new recipes for these

lovely ladies.

 

The new recipes are...

Pomegranate Cosmos from my best imaginary girlfriend.

Beef Satay from my new favorite place for recipes.

Vanilla Lime Pineapple Skewers from my fellow nerd.

***

I am also looking forward to finishing a conversation without running to a little person after they had fallen, taking Wyatt to the bathroom right in the middle of a personal epiphany, or cutting up the kids' food and making sure they had eaten enough while mine gets cold.

Let's hear it for NERDY GIRL TIME!!!

oops

After 15 years you would think I would have figured out why I am so cranky today...

Sorry.

Now I will take one of these.

So I dont keep doing this...

Is this T.M.I.???

Slacker

Yep, that's me.

I totally forgot about Music Monday.

(I have no idea who reads this... so maybe no one missed it.)

I am kinda cranky... and have no idea why. 

But, on the bright side, I took my own advice and made the Glazed Boneless Ribs.

Yes, they were as awesome as I remembered. 

Today I am making this.

PS, I adore her blog too.

***

Yep, I am still cranky. 

Oh, well.

4th of July!

Happy 4th of July Everyone!!!

I stole this from a friend on Facebook and thought it was hilarious...

"In honor of the 4th, I'm gonna hi-5 the first British person I see and tell them "good game," just like in little league.

But with more smugness."

Therapy

Is it strange that I fantasize about going to therapy?

I honestly do.

I tell my hubby quite frequently that I can't wait to get rich and go to therapy.

(Because in my mind, we have to be rich for me to go... Strange? I think so.)

I would love to sit on a couch like this and pick through my issues, my past, my present...

and see if there are patterns to acknowledge.

"Stuff" to heal from.

But as soon as I say that to myself, I can feel a tugging in my heart from God saying,

"You can talk to me."

"You better believe I will point some gnarly stuff out... I can heal you."

Then I go and have my quiet time with Him...

and my therapy fantasy isn't so tempting anymore.

Since I am poor, (too poor for my therapy fantasy) my therapy is

Cooking!!! 

 I don't think I have mentioned that on here...

I LOVE cooking... It is one of my passions.

And so, for this holiday weekend I will leave you with two of my favorite recipes...

hoping that you will love them too!

White Wine Citrus Sangria

(adapted from Micheal Chiarello)

3 Bottles of Pinot Grigio

1 1/2 Cups Brandy

3/4 cup Orange Liqueur

1/2 cup Sugar

1 Orange, thinly sliced

1 Blood Orange, thinly sliced

3 Kumquats, sliced

1 Lime, thinly sliced

(If you cant find blood oranges or kumquats,  i have used peaches or strawberries.)

In a large pitcher, combine the wine, brandy, and orange liqueur. Pour in the sugar, stir or shake the pitcher thoroughly to mix. Add all citrus slices at once. Allow the mixture to sit for 1 hr before serving to allow the citrus flavor to come through.

Asian Glazed Boneless Ribs

Ingredients:

2lbs Boneless Country Style Pork Ribs

Glaze:

2/3 Cup Hoisin Sauce

1/4 Cup Pineapple Juice

2 Tbsp of Soy Sauce

2 Tbsp Rice Vinegar

2 Tbsp Sesame Oil

1/2 tsp Fresh Ginger, minced

1 Garlic clove (for each rib), minced

In a small bowl, combine all glaze ingredients; blend well. Heat oven to 350 F. Place ribs in a 13x9 baking dish. Bake for 1 hour. Drain. Pour glaze over ribs, covering completely. Bake and additional 30 to 45 minutes or until ribs are tender, basting occasionally with glaze.

(This is a very economical and easy dish... Country style pork ribs are inexpensive and are sold at Sam's Club (I haven't checked Costco for them) in a large pack. You can divide it up and freeze the other portion and make it for another dinner.)

Another note... I have stuffed more than 2lbs in a 13x9... Just make sure the pan isn't too over crowded  and there is a small space between ribs.

I promise these recipes are fool proof and have been made SEVERAL times by yours truly!

Enjoy!

Friends

Have you ever gotten together with an old friend after years and years of the world passing you by.

Nothing in particular happened to your friendship. 

It just slipped away into school, differing life stages, children, different social activities...

But, when you have your long over due reunion...

it is just heavenly?

For some odd reason, God keeps bringing people from the past back into my life, and I am incredibly grateful for that gift.

Last night I had the pleasure of experiencing that gift once again.

What a wonderful night. 

I cant believe how quickly we were "no holds barred" honest with each other. 

What a blessing it was!

One thing that I cant get out of my head, was our discussion on friendship patterns.

Who are you repetitively picking to be your friends? Do you have a type of person that you seem to be "attracted" to friendship wise?

And, why? Why do you pick those people?

I have realized, that just because I have already picked my mate for life, doesn't exclude me from from making poor relationship choices.

Some women are attracted to a certain type of man when they are looking for their mate... 

I need to assess what I am attracted to in a friendship. 

 How much of myself am I giving? VS. What kind of energy are they bringing into the relationship?

Are they always coming into the relationship with sadness, despair, chaos? 

Or, are they bringing productivity, conviction, joy, peace?

I am not saying that my friends have to be perfect, on the contrary! I love wackiness, quirks, and honesty in a relationship.

I have many friends that fit this description, but I also find myself gravitating towards certain personalities because I am a "fixer" and nurturer. 

After all the "fixing" and nurturing... I am emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

And that isn't fair to my husband and son.

So, my duty in all of this, is to be keenly aware of who I am choosing to expend my emotional and spiritual energy and to be a good steward of myself. 

Do any of you struggle with this? Or find yourself picking the same type of friends over and over? 

What have you done to work through this? I want to know.

PS. Thanks for letting me ramble and get somethings off of my chest.

Thank You.

Thank you to all of you who have been praying for me!

I finished my Self-Study today! 

24 Pages!!!

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!!!

I cant not believe that it is DONE!

All that soul searching, gut wrenching truth poured on to paper...

is FINISHED!!!

 I realized while proof reading... This sucker is my Manifesto!

I wish I could share it with you all, but I am pretty sure no one would find it interesting. 

But other than that I want to sing it from the mountain tops that I am DONE!

 

Music Monday

The Hubby and I had a fabulous weekend! 

For our anniversary we went out to a nice dinner at Captain Jacks and watched a movie...

Oh, wait. Did I mention that we got Tattoos?!?!

 Yep, we sure did. We are some wild and crazy kids, huh?

Even as I sat in the tattoo chair... I kept looking at Eric and saying over and over, 

"I cant believe I am doing this."

Ray (the tattoo guy) must have thought I was nuts.  

Whatever.. I was in pain.

 While waiting for Ray to finish up tattooing Eric, I was texting my girlfriend Linda, who happens to be married to a Pastor at our church, telling her all about my tattoo. 

Ray asked me who I was texting. 

He about fell off his stool when I told him who I was texting. 

I told him that there were people with more tattoos than him at our church. 

He was shocked. 

And I was proud that our church is the kind of church that welcomes ALL kinds of people into its doors.

I felt joy in knowing  that I could invite him and know without a shadow of a doubt that he would be embraced, not looked down upon. 

I love my church. 

So... here are some pictures of our tattoos. 

(Please forgive me. I took these with my phone.)

t

 (This isn't a really good picture of it at all... But you get the idea.)

It is an antique key and in the head of it is the inscription PS 46:10

This has been a verse that has been following me around 

and has been on my heart throughout the past few years.

I put it on my wrist to be a constant visible symbol reminding me to

"cool it" and recognize that God is in charge. 

NOT ME! 

Apparently I am a slow learner and am just recently understanding the whole depth and breadth of that promise.

(Obviously this is Eric's tattoo... I don't have nicely sculpted arms like him.)

These Roman Numerals represent our wedding date. 

He says that if he gets Alzheimer's he will always remember the date...

even thought he might think it's his birthday.

Which brings me to Music Monday...

The song I picked for today follows the wedding theme.

This is our song.

The song that we had our first dance to as a Mr. and Mrs. 

This song has always spoken volumes to us about our relationship.

Al Green's 'Let's Stay Together'

I'm, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is alright with me
'Cause you make me feel, so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you

Me sayin' since, baby, since we've been together
Ooo, loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me, be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue
Ooo baby

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Oooo oooo ooo ooo, yeah
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad

Why somebody, why people break up
Oh, and turn around and make up
I just can't seeeeeeeee
You'd never do that to me
(Would you baby)
'Cause being around you is all I see
It's why I want us to

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether

PS. I adore his HUGE gold bracelet and plaid jacket. 

PPS. What was your song that you first danced with your spouse to at your wedding?

If you aren't married, what song speaks to you as a couple?

I want to know more about you!

Super Random

Here are a few things that are floating around in my head...

1: It's my ANNIVERSARY! 

Good gracious! I need to get back on the Atkins diet!

 

We have been married for 6 years today!

I know it may sound corny, but I truly do love him more than I did the day that this picture was taken. 

2:We are going out to celebrate...

By going out to dinner and getting tattoos..

 Well, we will see if it actually comes to fruition. 

But, we made inquiries to a couple of places and it is a first come first served type of deal.

And every time the mister and I go out, he gets a the crazy idea that we need to get tattoos... 

So here we are... maybe realizing his dream and sowing a wild oat or two.

3. I will be starting a book discussion of Francis Chan's, "Crazy Love".

I will be holding it in my backyard on Tuesday evenings @ 7:00pm. Starting in 2 weeks. 

Let me know if you are interested! I love it when God brings random people together for spectacular moments... 

So, no one is too random.

4. I have weddings on the brain.

Picture courtesy of Sweet & Saucy Bake Shop

One of my B.F.F.s is getting married and I cant stop thinking about weddings and how to make her day more special. 

What did you do at your wedding to make the day more personal and special to you and your groom?

Or, if there is one thing that you could go back in time and re-do, to make the day even more yours, what would that be?

PLEASE! DO TELL!

I am beyond curious!

Hoping everyone is have a fabulous Saturday!

Writer's Block

I am currently in the middle of writing a Self Study. 

Not my idea of a super fun time.

I do believe that self-reflection and personal inventories are a must when there is room for emotional and spiritual growth... 

but.... on a beautiful sunny southern California day... not my cup of tea.

Alas, the adoption agency wants Eric and I to each complete a self study.

Here are a few examples of what the questions are like...

- Briefly explain the events and experiences in your life that you feel have shaped your personality.

-What was the biggest disappointment or loss you have experienced in your life and how did you cope with it?

-Describe the values, traditions, and expectations you feel your parents attempted to instill in you.

-Describe your parent's relationship to each other while you were growing up and currently.

-What role does your physical relationship play in your marriage?

-What are your priorities when you spend money? Do you have guidelines that you use when making purchases? Do you and your spouse agree on this?

-How will your parenting resemble/differ from that of your parents?

-Do you have any concerns about bonding with your adoptive child?

DANG.

And this is only a FEW of the questions that are posed to us... 

Now, these questions may seem easy to those who were brought up in Ward and June Cleaver's household, but for the rest of us... not so much.

So, please forgive me if I am quiet on here for a bit... I will be racking my heart/brain/soul for some pretty gnarly answers, and I don't think I will have it in me to post here. 

Please pray for Eric and I to dig deep and answer honestly.

Father's Day

Today has always been a bit of a reflective day for me...

For most of my life I have always wondered why I didn't get to have a father. 

(I never even met the man that I should have called "dad".)

But in the past few years I have turned that thought upside down and became increasingly grateful that God spared me from that relationship. 

He knew better... duh.

God has been all the Father I have needed....

Unconditional

Kind

Loving

Wise

Always having my best interests at heart

Funny

Strict

and most of all, unconditional forgiveness for all the numskull things I do.

I am privileged that I had the perfect father.

Most people don't get to say that.

My mother is one of them...

Her father was...

Conditional

Cruel

Frustrating

Angry

Womanizer

Workaholic

 She always had the heavenly father that I did, but most people (and her) think/thought that God is a direct reflection of their earthly dads.

Unfortunately she had a lot to mentally overcome in realizing that God is none of that.

But, fortunately for her, she has.

She knows who HE is now and can have a relationship with Him based upon the truth. 

Another blessing that I get to reflect upon is that I get to watch my husband be the father I wish I always had.

He is kind

Hard working

Loving

Unconditional

Strict

Playful

Positive

Protective

Joyful

I relish the fact that Wyatt will never know a relationship like his Grandmother knew, or the absence that I felt.

He will never know that ache.

He will never feel that void.

He will only have a best friend for life.

What a healing blessing that is to me. 

Happy Father's Day

Speechless

I am so emotionally exhausted after an amazing (and I do mean that, in every sense of the word) weekend with my committee ladies in Lake Arrowhead.

My head is still swirling with all the fresh new ideas, personal stories, tears, laughter, jokes, and advice.

And all the GOD moments...

You know, the ones where you could not have planned it any better 

and everything just seemed to flow (inspite of me).

I am in awe of what happened up there.

So, I am speechless.

Not for a lack of words....

as a necessity to help me process all that happened there.

*   *   *   *

So this Music Monday I will share with you an oldie but a goodie

that ALWAYS makes me happy.

(And I day dream that I am having a fabulous party when I listen to it.)

Marvin Gaye

Got to Give it Up

 

I used to go out to parties and stand around
'Cause I was too nervous to really get down
But my body yearned to be free
I got up on the floor, boy
so somebody could choose me.

No more standin' there beside the walls
I have got myself together, baby
I'm havin' a ball

Long as you're groovin'
There's always a chance
Somebody watchin' might wanna make romance

Move your body, ooo baby,
And dance all night
Do that grooving’
Feel all right

Everybody's groovin' on like a fool
But if you see me spread out and let me in
Baby just party high and low
Let me step into your erotic zone

Move it up
Turn it down
Shake it down

OOWWWW

You can love me when you want to babe
This is such a groovy party baby
We're here face to face
Everybody's swingin'
This is such a groovy place

All the young ladies are so fine!

You're movin your body easy with no doubt
Know what you thinkin' baby
You want to turn me out
Think I'm gonna let you do it babe

Keep on dancin'
You got to get it
Got to give it up

Music Monday

Happy Memorial Day Everyone!

Whatever political party you "belong" to, I bet we can all agree that America is a pretty spectacular place to live.

 I feel so blessed that I get to call this country my home.

I think a lot of other people think so too.... 

 I heard on NPR the other day that America welcomes twice the amount of immigrants into its borders than all the other countries welcome into their borders, combined. 

I was floored. 

I felt immense gratitude...

For the freedoms that we have.

For the free speech that I get to enjoy without even thinking about it.

That I can raise my child how I see fit.

I can worship God without political oppression.

None of this would be possible with out all of the men and women that have served this great nation. 

I personally count them as a blessing...

Which brings me to Music Monday...

I had in my head that I was gonna do something patriotic... But I heard this song on the radio and was BLOWN AWAY...

It is by Damian Marley and Nas

I think it is so beautiful that they took the time to pour their gratitude into a song and perform it for all the world to hear.

I also find it refreshing that in a world of negativity and general crabbiness, that they would put this out there.

Whatever you feel towards these Artist's personal blessing list... just remember that it is their list. 

This isn't my list... (even though I appreciate the sentiment and adore the message). 

This, in my opinion, is supposed to spur us on to create our own blessing list.

And I’ve got studios to voice in
And I’ve got news for rejoicing
Now a new sun is rising
I count my blessings

That I’m safe when I’m resting
Furniture in my nesting
Not by force
I’m suggesting
You count your blessings

I’ve got love and assurance
I’ve got new heath insurance
I’ve got strength and endurance
So I count my blessings

And give thanks to the master
That through all the disaster
We’re still here
Together after
Better count your blessings

VERSE 1 – NAS:
Count your blessings
Cause yo’
This year
Can’t wait ‘till he gets here
7/21/09
My first son will shine
And it’s amazing
I’m about to be raising
Another made man
And like his dad
They’ll praise him
And some will hate him
Just cause we’re building a nation
Like Bob did with Damian
The world will embrace him
Girls will chase him
Foresee they will not break him
And when I’m not around
You look for God
And thank him

CHORUS 2 – JR GONG:
And I’ve got somewhere to dress for
And I’ve got no need to stress for
And so I’ll always put my best forth
And count my blessings

And there’ll be no need for tissues
Cause there’ll be no further issues
If you’ve got someone who miss you
Man count your blessings

And I’ve got love and assurance
And I’ve got new heath insurance
And I’ve got strength and endurance
So I count my blessings

And give thanks to the master
That through all the disaster
We’re still here
Together after
Better count your blessings

VERSE 2 – NAS:
You’re wishing
You were sitting
In the top position
Picture perfect
Nothing less cause you deserve it
Without the Hermes
You never hurting
You knew that you was
Destined for greatness
For certain
But see the over zealous
They be thirsting
Caught up in emotion
You’re keeping your composure
Like Gershwin
Songs by Earth, Wind
Keep you in a zone
Writing verses
So when your pocket’s light
Know that you have a heavy purpose

CHORUS 3 – JR GONG:
We’ve got pre-school and day care
We’ve got pension and well-fare
And though not all will play the game fair
Still I count my blessings

I’ve got joy in abundance
I’ve got life full of substance
I’ve got meetings and functions
So I count my blessings

I’ve got something to live for
I’ve got surplus to give more
And we’re all welcome through his door
So I count my blessings

And give thanks to the master
That through all the disaster
We’re still here
Together after
So I count your blessings

VERSE 3 – NAS:
I think you’re looking too hard for it
Want the double R
Under your garage door
Appreciate the things you work hard for
And count your blessing
Count your blessings
So don’t be mad if you ain’t fly ya’ll
You got the means
To reach the level I’m on
You should know that there’s only one Nas
Ya’ll
But count your blessing
Count your blessing
Ra!

CHORUS 4 – JR GONG:
And I’ve got studios to voice in
And I’ve got news for rejoicing
Now a new son is rising
I count my blessings

That I’m safe when I’m resting
Furniture in my nesting
Not by force
I’m suggesting
You count your blessings

I’ve got love and assurance
I’ve got new heath insurance
I’ve got strength and endurance
So I count my blessings

And give thanks to the master
That through all the disaster
We’re still here
Together after
Better count your blessings

5 on Friday

I was driving around running some errands today and was thinking about all my favorite people, places, and things...  and thought I would jot them down.

Not that anyone cares...

I just want to get them out of my head and onto here so I can turn this brain off and take a nap.

First:  This is Brooklyn. She is my future Daughter-in-law... which is handy because my hubby and I are B.F.F.s with her mother and father.

She will be turning 3 this weekend and we cant wait to celebrate with her!

Not only that... She is the prettiest, spunkiest, funniest, most imaginative little girl I have ever met... 

And the fact that my son is in love with her doesn't hurt.

 Exhibit A:  The Culprit trying to give his "Book-a-lyn" a "hug".

(I put "hug" in parentheses because his pants are off and I really don't know what he is trying to pull.)

Second: I love that when I tell my son to do something, he proudly responds "OKAY CAPTAIN MOMMY!"

I like the ring of "Captain Mommy". I'm not gonna lie.

 Third: This place is so flippin' good. 

I don't really have a thing for sweets... but I sure do have a thing for fresh homemade baked goods. And they sure are fresh and delicious!

Fourth: To say that I adore my MOMs group is  putting it mild at best.

I have such a passion and fire in my heart for these women. I pray for them daily.

 I consider it pure joy to be heading it up next year with my amazing committee. 

Fifth: This makes returning e-mails and working in the office so much fun and less of a chore.

Let's be honest... Most of the time I am singing off key or rapping... depending on what station I choose.

It isn't pretty.

Be grateful that you haven't witnessed it.

Happy Friday Everyone!!!

                                                            

Music Tuesday???

So... I am here on Tuesday... begging you to forgive me.

I have been listening to Morning Becomes Eclectic exclusively for about a year now. I made the switch because my previous morning music show had become far too raunchy for this household... I would like to blame it on Wyatt's little ears, but it really was because of me. My stomach would start turning when they would talk about spouses cheating, developmentally disabled people in a VERY negative light, porn, and drug use.

I kinda felt like an old lady, but I really like how I feel in the morning now...

Instead of cringing... I dance with my little guy.

So, on KCRW the other day they were playing Jack Johnson and it reminded me of an interview I once heard him give... the interview made me love him more.

(I know he is adorable, right?)

He was talking about one of his most popular songs, "Flake". I already really liked it...I thought it was a bit deeper than the typical boy/girl break-up song.

But he elaborated... That this song was a song that he wrote for a MALE friend of his... I was blown away! 

He had felt so frustrated by a friendship that was dissipating that he wrote the song about his friend. His record label really didn't like the idea of him writing a friendship song to a guy (go figure) and asked him to change the he's into she's.

I was so impressed that he felt so deeply about this male friendship that he poured his heart into a song. Also, it gave the song new meaning in my life... I knew exactly of a relationship(s) that I could apply the song to...and you know what? 

It helped me move on and embrace what the relationship was/is for what it is now, not dwell in the past and hold it up to previous standards.

You see, I have an expectation problem... I hold the expectations stagnant in time while the person evolves. And through my personal experience... it has never turned out well. So, I am working on appreciating the different phases of the friendship for what they are... not what they were or should be (in my head).

So, here it is... Flake.

 

  I know she said it's alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it's not right
There ain't no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks its fine
Maybe she knows something I don't
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down

I know she loves the sunrise
No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes
And I know that when she said she's gonna try
Well it might not work because of other ties and
I know she usually has some other ties
And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah, I wouldn't want to break 'em
Maybe she'll help me to untie this but
Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie to you

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go

(Ben Solo's)

The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall
Even with all your money in the whole wide world
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me by

Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change
You goin to call it by a brand new name
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

Just like your tree down by the water baby I shall not move
Even after all your silly things you do-oo
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down 

oops...

My little guy's birthday was yesterday and I forgot to post Music Monday! Yikes! 

Seriously, I wont be offended if you all fire me.

But, before you do...

Look at this...

I know it is kinda blurry... but these are my favorite excuses for not posting...

We started the day by getting finger printed and our background checked in some random hole in the wall in Signal Hill. This was an unexpected expense in the whole adoption procedure...but my kind and very generous Momma gave this to Eric and I for our birthday present... 

In her words, "I want to help buy my grandchild."
Isn't she amazing? Love her!

Then we stumbled upon Rocco's, the most delicous and unassuming place to eat for lunch... We knew it had to be good, it was packed at 1:30pm. Seriously, you will be thanking me after you go there.

After that we headded to Disneyland to clebrate Wyatt's 3rd birthday... SO much fun!

This picture was taken at Napolini restaurant with my two guys.

I am so blessed... I just want to pinch myself sometimes.

My Boyfriend

      My boyfriend of 11.5 yrs turns 29 today.

 (I know we are married and I should call him my hubby...but I don't want to.)

He is amazing, kind, caring, compassionate, smart... and HOT.

I am still a shallow 16yr old at heart when I look at him... I still feel the pitter patter in my heart for him.

We still celebrate our dating anniversary...much to the dismay of some of our friends who think that we are   "nerds".

I cant wait to see what the next 11.5 years brings us...

And I cant wait to see if he gets gray hair. (SO FLIPPIN HOT)

Two for One...

I am sick and tired of myself...

I am so tired of being full of fear...

I realized that my fear of failure is paralyzing me and my family's journey.

I also have realized that I only fear what I haven't given over to God.

I am so SICK of it.

I am hindering my family's future, my spiritual life, and connections with others because I like to pretend that I am in control.

A few weeks ago I went to the Beth Moore simulcast and listened to her talk about saying, "So Long to Insecurities". I really thought that I had nothing to learn because I thought I was a pretty secure person....

BOY WAS I WRONG!!!

I realized that all the places in my life where I am stagnant and feel uneasy are all the ones I have yet to surrender.

See, it would be one thing to say... "We are still seeking to see if this whole adoption thing is for us."
The problem is is that I already know what the answer is... I am supposed to go on this journey regardless of the outcome .... I know in my heart of hearts that I desire nothing else to be someone's mom.... But, I am also petrified to find out that we (Eric and I) aren't good enough... (IE, don't make enough money or have a big enough house). I am so scared my heart will be broken that I am dragging my feet on every little thing.

In my crazy twisted head it makes sense that it is better to say, "We are in the beginning stages of adoption" than say, "The agency didn't see us fit."

The conundrum is ... I am going to experience God's will anyway... so either I will go kicking and screaming (like I have been doing) ... or sweetly singing his praises and accepting whatever He has in store for me.

And with this whole blog thing... I am totally being controlling... am  picking and choosing who I want to tell about it... Which I know isn't what I am supposed to do. I feel like I need to share with people even though they may not care. I just have to be me and be vulnerable.

Because I don't like who I am when I am not allowing myself to be authentic.


So, here is a belated Music Monday...

Have you ever listened to a song and got a sinking feeling in your chest... and you know that it was meant for you to hear at that exact moment?

This is one of the songs I have experienced this feeling with...

 

i surrender all
to the promises you made
and i will give it all
to the maker of the day

no one knows your heart
and no one knows your fears
when no one solves the mysteries
or even wipes away the tears

i surrender all
to the promises you made
and i will give it all
to the maker of the day

can you hear the sound of laughter
from the other side of life?
there are days when i feel like a stranger sometimes
tell me, are there any other fools like me?

i surrender all
to the promises you made
and i will give it all
to the maker of the day

this reliance on another world
has a great effect on this world
this conscience of another world
has a great effect on
grace recollection

he doesn't love us 'cause of who we are
he only loves us 'cause of who he is
he doesn't love us 'cause of who we are
he only loves us 'cause of who he is

i surrender all
(he doesn't love us 'cause of who we are)
to the promises you made
(he only loves 'cause of who he is)
and i will give it all
(he doesn't love us 'cause of who we are)
to the maker of the day