It's one of THOSE days...

I love this song for so many reasons... I believe that this maybe one of the greatest P.M.S. songs ever written... but for today it just describes my disposition...

But.... I am choosing to be aware of my blessings....

 

My Husband Eric...( this is us at 17 and 18 going to a Sadie Hawkins Dance. Our outfits are reminiscent of ravers/truckers.... What were we thinking?)

My son and his cousins... I only have one cousin... so I am simply elated that he has 3 (so far). 

(Taylor, Samantha, and Wyatt... and Nolan picture courtesy of my my hubby's sweet cousin Stacy DeGroot)

 My Dog... Dexter... ( This was the day we took him home, over a year ago.)

He really is the kindest and happiest dog I have ever met.

I have MANY MANY MANY more blessings in my life... like good friends that stick by me through all of life's ups and downs... a mom that is more than helpful, generous, and kind.... a roof over my head.... food to feed my child.... and even something as simple as being free to write my thoughts on here.

So... I will choose to focus on the positive and have a little dance party with my son to my mopey song.

Happy Friday!!

Crazy and Blessed

Sooo I have been M.I.A lately.... here is the run down...

1. On April 15th, Thursday  afternoon we found my Grandma collapsed and too weak. Super dehydrated too...
2. Thursday evening she collapsed and went unconscious in my dear hubby's arms.
3. Spent most of the night in the E.R.
4. Found out it was pneumonia, her labs were all wacky, congestive heart failure, and dehydration. 
5. Spent most of my days and nights shuttling my Grandpa back and forth to the hospital to see his sweetheart and caring for him at night (he has Alzheimer's).
6. Grandma went into a convalescent home to rehabilitate her self so she can be well enough to come home.
7. She came home Monday April 26th. 

During these days I oscillated between...

and

But the good news is, I was more of the latter...

The only reason I spent most (not all) of my days and nights at peace is because of my relationship with God.

(yes, I am gonna talk about Him.)

Because this was the first time in my adult life that God and I were B.F.F. s before the crap hit the fan.

And it was fabulous.

Maybe some people wouldn't admit this but God and I had a very conditional relationship for most of my life... it went something like this

Amber + Crap = THISCLOSEWITHGOD

Amber + Happy = F O  R  G  E  T  S    T  O    T  A  L  K    T  O     H  I  M

So, this time.. I had been working on my spiritual formation (fancy words for talking to Him and refining my character). Doing devotions most everyday and writing my prayers down (I have A.D.D. and every shiny thing distracts me). 

And the most amazing thing happened... I was at peace for most of it and I was aware of all the immense blessing that were occurring in my life. 

Now, I know that these blessings weren't simply occurring because He and I were B.F.Fs.... No, I was aware of them because I wasn't working double time to get back to him and trying to figure out or control the situation... then half way through it  I would realize that I wasn't in control and then I would have to pry my hands open and release to Him what ever piece of trash I was hanging on to.....

I could actually be present in the moment with my Grandmother... 

I could appreciate how well my son was behaving and how sensitive he was to my emotions...

I could see how beautiful my husband is... inside and out...

I had more compassion for my Grandfather....

I had more empathy for my Grandmother....

I trusted God more...

I saw love...

This has been one of the hardest, most exhausting things I have ever gone through.

But, I would never give up this experience.

It has been so bitter sweet... bitter in the sense that I am watching my Grandparents (who have helped my Mom raise me) start on their path of exiting this world....

Sweet, in the sense that I have had the blessing and the pleasure of walking with God and being aware of His presence along the way.

Judge Judy

So... Over at my friend Rachel's blog, is a post about her honest desire to experience a natural VBAC childbirth with her next child....

And then the Judge Judys of the blogger community wieighed in...

I have to give our kind much credit ( let's be honest, there are no men here reading my blog)... to give her support while giving her underhanded advice or criticism..... amazing.

Well, this post isn't directly about her VBAC desires or the experiences of the women that posted on her blog... this is about being a Judge Judy.

Dont get me wrong, I love the actual Judge Judy person... I just don't care for it when I and others display her brash criticisms and judgments. 

                                                             ***

Let's start with a bit of honesty... I am a Christian... Not an average christian that pulls it out at church and puts it away in social situations, I am amazed and proud of the changes in my character and quality of emotional health since seriously pursuing God.... I have been a "oh yeah I am a Christian too..." for most of my life... sprinkled in were true inspiring and captivating experiences with God.... but for the most part I ignored Him... I am soo over that. I have moved on to a relationship with Him.

                                                            ***

That being said, my dear husband and I are actively pursing adopting our next child.
( I will explain more in an upcoming post)
We are in the beginning stages and have been experiencing one fantastic sign after another that this is the correct path we are on.

So.... if I am actively following God's path for my life and seeking His will....Why is it anyones business to tell me their horror stories, why it isn't a good idea, that they are scared for me... yes, I have gotten these responses...

Just like my friend Rachel, she was sharing her joy and the first inclination that we as humans get is to squash it....

My personal opinion... PLEASE correct me if I am wrong... is that, they are not trying to stop her or I from our personal paths as much as they are making themselves feel better about their own. ( I hope that makes sense.)

The very fact that I am adopting, to some people, means to them that they made the wrong decision in their life.That they should not have done medical interventions to become pregnant. And beilieve me... I have said nothing of the sort. I do not judge my fellow teamates (women) in their personal journeys with childbearing or desires to not have children. To each their own...

So... to wrap up this rambling post...(sorry I am feeling a bit tangental)....

I propose this....

You do what God is calling you to do... and I will do what God is calling me to do.... and we will be happy for each other for doing what God has called us to do in our own lives....

Can I get an Amen??

Sassy Pants...

I feel a sassy post commin' on... I just read my friend Rachel's blog and I am kinda fired up. I will write more later....

Hugs,
Amber

Say What?!?!

I was doing devotions the other day and I ran across this Proverb... It STOPPED me in my tracks, made me laugh... Is it strange that when I read the Bible I laugh, a lot? Usually at my self being reflected in the pages before me... but this time it was a whole vivid picture that was so bluntly and eloquently put... awesome...

So, here it is.

A beautiful woman who lacks discretion     

      is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.

              Proverbs 11:22

Havent you ever met the most beautiful woman that airs her dirty laundry, speaks poorly of her man, or dresses without any sense of modesty... I dont come across them as much as I used to when I was working at the psych hospital... (I will save that for another post)

But I have. I couldnt really put words to the feeling that I would get when I would be around them... I just knew what I felt. I felt like my whole body was cringing...

And here it was... the perfect words were here all along.

Love,
Amber

PS. Does anyone else laugh when they read the Bible? Or am I crazy?... Wait, don't answer that.

UNCLE!!!

You know the feeling when God is tugging on your heart and you can't get away? If you don't, it's like the most persistent 3 year old wanting a glass of water and you are ingoring them doing something frivolous... You know what you should be doing... but you don't want to... which sounds crazy. To ignore a life nourishing need in order to pay attention to some silly thing... Well, I am listening to that tug.. I have cried "UNCLE" to the Lord and I am re-opening my mind to this whole blog thing.

I'm not saying that this forum will be "life nourishing", but who knows... maybe me searching for the authentic person that God wants me to be will be beneficial to my soul (earth to Amber).

And that is what I have been wrestling with. I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing on this "thing".

I have no idea how vulnerable I can be on here... I am freaked out...

Some people may say,,, "Just make it about your creativity", "Make it about Wyatt", or "Make it about your life".... the problem is is that all of those things are super important and deep to me... They all lead me back to my pursuit of who God wants me to be.

Also, I am an open book to a fault. Some people can keep it all bottled up and release in the comfort of their own home under their own conditions...I have no idea how to do that. I have never had that ability. I am the type of person that, if you care for me, and you ask me how I am doing... I tell you. Kind of a novelty, but it is who I am...

So, who ever reads this, pray for me. Pray that I have the courage to be vulnerable and seek the authentic person that God has created.

Love,
Amber

ps, I hate the name of my blog... Can you help a sister out and tell me what I should name it? Pretty please... with sugar on top?