Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Crazy and Blessed

Sooo I have been M.I.A lately.... here is the run down...
  1. On April 15th, Thursday  afternoon we found my Grandma collapsed and too weak. Super dehydrated too...
  2. Thursday evening she collapsed and went unconscious in my dear hubby's arms.
  3. Spent most of the night in the E.R.
  4. Found out it was pneumonia, her labs were all wacky, congestive heart failure, and dehydration. 
  5. Spent most of my days and nights shuttling my Grandpa back and forth to the hospital to see his sweetheart and caring for him at night (he has Alzheimer's).
  6. Grandma went into a convalescent home to rehabilitate her self so she can be well enough to come home.
  7. She came home Monday April 26th. 
During these days I oscillated between...




and


But the good news is, I was more of the latter...

The only reason I spent most (not all) of my days and nights at peace is because of my relationship with God.
(yes, I am gonna talk about Him.)

Because this was the first time in my adult life that God and I were B.F.F. s before the crap hit the fan.

And it was fabulous.

Maybe some people wouldn't admit this but God and I had a very conditional relationship for most of my life... it went something like this

Amber + Crap = THISCLOSEWITHGOD

Amber + Happy = F O  R  G  E  T  S    T  O    T  A  L  K    T  O     H  I  M


So, this time.. I had been working on my spiritual formation (fancy words for talking to Him and refining my character). Doing devotions most everyday and writing my prayers down (I have A.D.D. and every shiny thing distracts me). 

And the most amazing thing happened... I was at peace for most of it and I was aware of all the immense blessing that were occurring in my life. 

Now, I know that these blessings weren't simply occurring because He and I were B.F.Fs.... No, I was aware of them because I wasn't working double time to get back to him and trying to figure out or control the situation... then half way through it  I would realize that I wasn't in control and then I would have to pry my hands open and release to Him what ever piece of trash I was hanging on to.....

I could actually be present in the moment with my Grandmother... 
I could appreciate how well my son was behaving and how sensitive he was to my emotions...
I could see how beautiful my husband is... inside and out...
I had more compassion for my Grandfather....
I had more empathy for my Grandmother....
I trusted God more...
I saw love...

This has been one of the hardest, most exhausting things I have ever gone through.
But, I would never give up this experience.

It has been so bitter sweet... bitter in the sense that I am watching my Grandparents (who have helped my Mom raise me) start on their path of exiting this world....
Sweet, in the sense that I have had the blessing and the pleasure of walking with God and being aware of His presence along the way.







4 comments:

  1. I love reading your posts. I am so glad that your relationship with God is growing! :)

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  2. i love this post. brought tears to my eyes thinkin about my grandma. love to you and your whole family! thinking about ya and always praying!

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  3. Thank you for sharing, Amber! God is good, in good times and bad. It's hard to remember in the bad moments, but thanks for reminding us that it can be done with his strength. This really spoke to me today.

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