Music Monday

I need structure... 

That being said I am instituting a Music Monday here on Faux Martha (PS, I still hate the name and you all are not off the hook in helping me pick a new one).

Either I will post a You Tube Video of a song or just post the lyrics... and give my P.O.V. on the whole thing..

Now, I am not saying that I will give any insight into the artist or have any clever thoughts... but simply represent me.

I love music... All kinds... I love music so much that listening to it has great impact on me and my emotions.

I totally believe that God speaks through music in my life... I know, here I go again with that whole God thing. 

But, I have had some AMAZING moments with Him, thanks to having the right song playing at the right time....

Like, pull over your car and put your head on the steering wheel and cry moments... or moments where you drop everything you are doing and go grab the nearest human/animal and have a full out dance party. 

So, with out further adieu... 

 

***

 Head Over Feet

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault 

****

Okay... Today is a lighter post because I really have no idea what and how I am going to do this whole Music Monday thing... So I am posting a song that is VERY near and dear to my heart. I know that it may seem mushy and corny to post this song... but ALL the lyrics that I have high-lighted are straight from my heart. 

Like, I have no idea how she knew about Eric and I. (Yes, I  am self-centered enough to toy with the idea.)

Eric and I have been married for almost 6 years and together for 11 1/2.... we started dating in utero... I kid, I kid... kinda.

But I am grateful everyday that we met so young. I count it as a blessing that I have known my soul mate for a good portion of my life. 

I have had many people ask me if I feel like I have "missed out" that I haven't dated more or wish I would have had more experience...

 The answer is no.

I am relieved that this man came into my life at such an early age... He has been nothing but a blessing to me and my family. 

I have had the pleasure of watching him grow from an above average boy to an excellent man. We have grown together and into each other...

I am not saying that we have only experienced pure bliss in this relationship... We have had our moments, weeks, and during the harder portions...months.

But we would rather be together in frustration, misunderstanding, and pain than to be separate from each other...

Without him I would never have let my guard down enough to love as deeply as I do... I am confident in that.

Last year for a Valentine's Day present,  I painted a canvas black and then painted all the lyrics to this song on it. I know he loved it...He teared up... and told me that he had never really listened to the lyrics before, but now that he had... 

He thought that this was the best compliment I had ever paid him.

And that was payment enough for me.

It's one of THOSE days...

I love this song for so many reasons... I believe that this maybe one of the greatest P.M.S. songs ever written... but for today it just describes my disposition...

But.... I am choosing to be aware of my blessings....

 

My Husband Eric...( this is us at 17 and 18 going to a Sadie Hawkins Dance. Our outfits are reminiscent of ravers/truckers.... What were we thinking?)

My son and his cousins... I only have one cousin... so I am simply elated that he has 3 (so far). 

(Taylor, Samantha, and Wyatt... and Nolan picture courtesy of my my hubby's sweet cousin Stacy DeGroot)

 My Dog... Dexter... ( This was the day we took him home, over a year ago.)

He really is the kindest and happiest dog I have ever met.

I have MANY MANY MANY more blessings in my life... like good friends that stick by me through all of life's ups and downs... a mom that is more than helpful, generous, and kind.... a roof over my head.... food to feed my child.... and even something as simple as being free to write my thoughts on here.

So... I will choose to focus on the positive and have a little dance party with my son to my mopey song.

Happy Friday!!

Crazy and Blessed

Sooo I have been M.I.A lately.... here is the run down...

1. On April 15th, Thursday  afternoon we found my Grandma collapsed and too weak. Super dehydrated too...
2. Thursday evening she collapsed and went unconscious in my dear hubby's arms.
3. Spent most of the night in the E.R.
4. Found out it was pneumonia, her labs were all wacky, congestive heart failure, and dehydration. 
5. Spent most of my days and nights shuttling my Grandpa back and forth to the hospital to see his sweetheart and caring for him at night (he has Alzheimer's).
6. Grandma went into a convalescent home to rehabilitate her self so she can be well enough to come home.
7. She came home Monday April 26th. 

During these days I oscillated between...

and

But the good news is, I was more of the latter...

The only reason I spent most (not all) of my days and nights at peace is because of my relationship with God.

(yes, I am gonna talk about Him.)

Because this was the first time in my adult life that God and I were B.F.F. s before the crap hit the fan.

And it was fabulous.

Maybe some people wouldn't admit this but God and I had a very conditional relationship for most of my life... it went something like this

Amber + Crap = THISCLOSEWITHGOD

Amber + Happy = F O  R  G  E  T  S    T  O    T  A  L  K    T  O     H  I  M

So, this time.. I had been working on my spiritual formation (fancy words for talking to Him and refining my character). Doing devotions most everyday and writing my prayers down (I have A.D.D. and every shiny thing distracts me). 

And the most amazing thing happened... I was at peace for most of it and I was aware of all the immense blessing that were occurring in my life. 

Now, I know that these blessings weren't simply occurring because He and I were B.F.Fs.... No, I was aware of them because I wasn't working double time to get back to him and trying to figure out or control the situation... then half way through it  I would realize that I wasn't in control and then I would have to pry my hands open and release to Him what ever piece of trash I was hanging on to.....

I could actually be present in the moment with my Grandmother... 

I could appreciate how well my son was behaving and how sensitive he was to my emotions...

I could see how beautiful my husband is... inside and out...

I had more compassion for my Grandfather....

I had more empathy for my Grandmother....

I trusted God more...

I saw love...

This has been one of the hardest, most exhausting things I have ever gone through.

But, I would never give up this experience.

It has been so bitter sweet... bitter in the sense that I am watching my Grandparents (who have helped my Mom raise me) start on their path of exiting this world....

Sweet, in the sense that I have had the blessing and the pleasure of walking with God and being aware of His presence along the way.

Judge Judy

So... Over at my friend Rachel's blog, is a post about her honest desire to experience a natural VBAC childbirth with her next child....

And then the Judge Judys of the blogger community wieighed in...

I have to give our kind much credit ( let's be honest, there are no men here reading my blog)... to give her support while giving her underhanded advice or criticism..... amazing.

Well, this post isn't directly about her VBAC desires or the experiences of the women that posted on her blog... this is about being a Judge Judy.

Dont get me wrong, I love the actual Judge Judy person... I just don't care for it when I and others display her brash criticisms and judgments. 

                                                             ***

Let's start with a bit of honesty... I am a Christian... Not an average christian that pulls it out at church and puts it away in social situations, I am amazed and proud of the changes in my character and quality of emotional health since seriously pursuing God.... I have been a "oh yeah I am a Christian too..." for most of my life... sprinkled in were true inspiring and captivating experiences with God.... but for the most part I ignored Him... I am soo over that. I have moved on to a relationship with Him.

                                                            ***

That being said, my dear husband and I are actively pursing adopting our next child.
( I will explain more in an upcoming post)
We are in the beginning stages and have been experiencing one fantastic sign after another that this is the correct path we are on.

So.... if I am actively following God's path for my life and seeking His will....Why is it anyones business to tell me their horror stories, why it isn't a good idea, that they are scared for me... yes, I have gotten these responses...

Just like my friend Rachel, she was sharing her joy and the first inclination that we as humans get is to squash it....

My personal opinion... PLEASE correct me if I am wrong... is that, they are not trying to stop her or I from our personal paths as much as they are making themselves feel better about their own. ( I hope that makes sense.)

The very fact that I am adopting, to some people, means to them that they made the wrong decision in their life.That they should not have done medical interventions to become pregnant. And beilieve me... I have said nothing of the sort. I do not judge my fellow teamates (women) in their personal journeys with childbearing or desires to not have children. To each their own...

So... to wrap up this rambling post...(sorry I am feeling a bit tangental)....

I propose this....

You do what God is calling you to do... and I will do what God is calling me to do.... and we will be happy for each other for doing what God has called us to do in our own lives....

Can I get an Amen??

Sassy Pants...

I feel a sassy post commin' on... I just read my friend Rachel's blog and I am kinda fired up. I will write more later....

Hugs,
Amber

Say What?!?!

I was doing devotions the other day and I ran across this Proverb... It STOPPED me in my tracks, made me laugh... Is it strange that when I read the Bible I laugh, a lot? Usually at my self being reflected in the pages before me... but this time it was a whole vivid picture that was so bluntly and eloquently put... awesome...

So, here it is.

A beautiful woman who lacks discretion     

      is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.

              Proverbs 11:22

Havent you ever met the most beautiful woman that airs her dirty laundry, speaks poorly of her man, or dresses without any sense of modesty... I dont come across them as much as I used to when I was working at the psych hospital... (I will save that for another post)

But I have. I couldnt really put words to the feeling that I would get when I would be around them... I just knew what I felt. I felt like my whole body was cringing...

And here it was... the perfect words were here all along.

Love,
Amber

PS. Does anyone else laugh when they read the Bible? Or am I crazy?... Wait, don't answer that.

UNCLE!!!

You know the feeling when God is tugging on your heart and you can't get away? If you don't, it's like the most persistent 3 year old wanting a glass of water and you are ingoring them doing something frivolous... You know what you should be doing... but you don't want to... which sounds crazy. To ignore a life nourishing need in order to pay attention to some silly thing... Well, I am listening to that tug.. I have cried "UNCLE" to the Lord and I am re-opening my mind to this whole blog thing.

I'm not saying that this forum will be "life nourishing", but who knows... maybe me searching for the authentic person that God wants me to be will be beneficial to my soul (earth to Amber).

And that is what I have been wrestling with. I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing on this "thing".

I have no idea how vulnerable I can be on here... I am freaked out...

Some people may say,,, "Just make it about your creativity", "Make it about Wyatt", or "Make it about your life".... the problem is is that all of those things are super important and deep to me... They all lead me back to my pursuit of who God wants me to be.

Also, I am an open book to a fault. Some people can keep it all bottled up and release in the comfort of their own home under their own conditions...I have no idea how to do that. I have never had that ability. I am the type of person that, if you care for me, and you ask me how I am doing... I tell you. Kind of a novelty, but it is who I am...

So, who ever reads this, pray for me. Pray that I have the courage to be vulnerable and seek the authentic person that God has created.

Love,
Amber

ps, I hate the name of my blog... Can you help a sister out and tell me what I should name it? Pretty please... with sugar on top?